Aug 10
9

should i call dcfs on my sister?

9 Comments

I have 8 nieces and nephews, all my older sisters children, ranging from 8 months to 14 years old. They have horrible,horrible living conditions, not only is the home absolutely disgusting but they all suffer from emotional and verbal abuse from the parents. They live in a different state and I hardly ever go to see them because of this. I just came back from seeing them because of a family emergency and couldn’t believe everything I saw. The once light colored carpet has ground in food and god knows what else..most of the carpet in the home has black sticky spots, to cover it up they stapled dark colored blankets to the floor but that is now beginning to collect food also. I tried to vacuum but it was broken. The tile floors have a layer of crud about a half inch thick,the kitchen has flies in it,counters covered with piles and piles of papers and garbage,old food. Dirty dishes were stacked higher than me and all along the bases of the cabinets is dried food or something (not sure what it is). There is mold growing in the cabinet where the garbage can is kept and around the sink. There are stacks of totes all over the house and when i opened one it had garbage in it. The kids find there "clean" clothes by sifting through piles that are every where throughout the home, though they do have dressers but are full. They have a pool in the back with a deck built around it, the pool water is so gross and green that when you throw a pebble in it it stays on the top and doesnt sink. The dog does his business on the once nice big back deck and they scoop it off and throw it in the yard once a month. The smell in the home is horrible, I could barely breath in the house and had to use my inhaler several times while i was there (2 horrific days). The most disgusting thing is that the bathroom in the basement had a toilet that backed up and there is crap and sewage every where(really), the basement isn’t even closed off from the rest of the house. I was told not to go into the bathroom down there but i was curious. I almost vomited when I walked in. They keep the cat in the bathroom in the basement because one of the kids is supposedly allergic. The children always have lice, atleast any time I have ever visited them. I had it and had to give myself a treatment when i got home. My sister and her boyfriend refuse to buy lice treatment because it would be too expensive to treat all the kids, so they buzz the boys hair and dye the girls hair thinking that will kill them. The dog has had fleas the past 3 times I have gone there and they are every where in the house, after 2 days there I have bites around my ankles and feet. The kids do as well so I imagine it’s the fleas. The kids are always filthy, even the 8 months old feet and he doesn’t walk or crawl,he can’t even sit up on his own because each and every child she’s ever had is always kept in a swing,high chair or play pen. All the children were delayed when it came to sitting,crawling and walking. The 5 yr old still wheres pull ups to school,and the 3 1/2 yr old is in diapers still..all day. My sister and her boyfriend have 8 children and have 1 broken down blazer (for the past 4 years) and a 2 door cobalt, so they never,ever go any where all together. I took my 4 yr old niece to walmart with me and she couldn;t believe she was going to get to go on a car ride, when we got to walmart she didn’t even know where she was and said she’d never been there (sad because most kids know what walmart is), she walked inside and was so excited to be there…she had a look on her face like a kid at disney world for the first time. I bought each kid something and when she got her outfit she was the happiest little kid in the world, she walked around carrying the sandles I bought her all day long. The kids get sworn at by both parents and locked in there rooms for a whole day if they don’t listen. My sister will say things to them like "if you don’t clean your mess, I’m going to die" and then she will fake cry. I feel awful for these kids and would take all of them home and just love them, but financially it would be impossible to care for all of them, I have two of my own. I have always wanted to call child services on them, but how do you do that to family? Would dcfs take them away? Warn them? My family and I have cleaned there home before but each time it goes right back to the way it was. There are some hoarding issues for sure. I think the kids would have a better life but fear that since there are so many of them that they would be split up, plus I may never see them again. I don’t know what to do.
Sorry for the long story…but if I wrote everything it would be much,much longer.
dcfs is department of child and family services.
I can financially afford to feed and get the clothes but it’s the daycare that I think about..my fiance and I work full time,plus summer vacation is coming and that means 8 kids in daycare 5 days a week. I only have a 4 bdrm home.I have a boy and a girl, my little girl was once my niece also (from a different sibbling) and she was taken from them (i didn’t call anyone on them)and I adopted her. I don’t know what is wrong with people. I know I’m also hurting the kids by letting this happen.
sorry…10 kids in daycare including my kids


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9 Responses to "should i call dcfs on my sister?"

  • ashley says:
    August 9, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    It’s hard, I know. I’ve been in your shoes, and it sucks. My cousin was the same way. Roaches, Dog feces on the kids beds, Random men using drugs in the basement, Loaded guns found under 4 feet tall piles of clothes. 8year old kids had been employed as baby-sitters. I knew a woman that worked in childrens services. She reported her and sent someone else. The first time it was a warning. My cousin called me, she always was dependent on my help, as I was the only one who would even try anymore. I did what you and other family have done. I cleaned the crap, the literal crap, bought food, took them home to bathe them, washed the clothes, all of it. But I learned that that idea just band-aided the problem. As soon as they had checked the house it would go back to the way it was. I kept calling anybody who would listen and eventually someone listened. When the police came in, one officer was brought to tears. He walked upstairs and found children’s footprints made in dog feces. My great aunt took custody and my cousin got lots of help. It took about five years but she is okay now and three of her kids went back .T he oldest daughter however is permanently traumatized and has a hard time having a relationship with her mom. You have to be a voice for these kids. They don’t have one. It is hard and you probably will be riddled with guilt but you have to stand up for them. If they remove her kids your family members can take temporary custody and I believe you can get some help with expenses. Even if they have to be split up temporarily it is better than what they are going through now. I wish you the best. Call the police, skip all the people who don’t listen and save these kids. Good luck, my thoughts are with you.

  • Alisha says:
    August 9, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    wow i can’t believe your sister can live life like that but some things i would try is say something like "i’m in a cleaning mood can i clean up around here?" something like that might make her realize that she needs to clean up around the house every once in a while. but idk what dcfs is so…… but you might want to offer to buy lice treatment when the kids have it or offer to clean up. just a few tips

  • awkwardly balanced says:
    August 9, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Sadly, I think you already know the answer. These children are in danger, and you are their aunt.

  • Jessica says:
    August 9, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    I def think you should call child protective services on them. Otherwise those kids are gonna have some serious mental issues and later in life they will ask you how come you never helped them. They probably will take the kids away, but they will see first if they can find family for the kids to stay with… And the parents can get them back if they clean up their act… When you call child protective services on them you will remain anonymous and your sister will never find out it was you.. I think you owe it to those babies… You have to do this.

  • Alex says:
    August 9, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    i havn’t read all of it and I’m saying YES!!! you need to make them know what they’re doing wrong. I know you love your sister, but do you love you neices and Nephews? If you do call DCFS immediatly. Let everyone know what you decide :)

  • Peabee says:
    August 9, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Ask yourself this ~

    ~ Are the children in danger physically?

    ~ Are the children being abused, neglected or mentally?

    ~ Are there health hazards in the home that pose immediate threat to life or health?

    ~ Are the children’s’ weights, cognitive levels and social interactions normal, or near normal?

    ~ Is the home safe or dangerous?

    ~ What would a law professional do if he/she came in to the home in its present condition?

    ~ Do the children have enough food to eat?

    If you can answer more than one of these questions with a ‘no’ you are bound by law, justice, family loyalty (TO YOUR NEPHEWS AND NIECES) to report the parents and have those children moved to safety.

    If you knowingly leave them in those conditions,you become complicit in the danger the parents have already placed them in.

    Whether they are taken from the ‘parents’, separated or not, they need to be given the best chance available to them.

    Staying where they are offers them no chance at all. If they survive physically, they will not survive psychologically or mentally.
    after you report them do what you can…and pray for them.

  • Anna says:
    August 9, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Maybe you and a few family members that live close-by could each take on a couple of children, that way they could all still see each other, and be with family, but wouldn’t be living in squalor. Sadly, child services would probably take them–they typically allow the parents a short time to clean the place up and get their act together, but it doesn’t sound like your sister and her boyfriend would care enough to do it. If child services takes the children they will very likely be split up. However, I think if family can’t take care of the children child services would be best. These kids are living a horrible life right now, at least a foster families house would be clean and the children would receive the things that they need.

  • pumpkinsmom234 says:
    August 9, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Unfortunately, this does sound like a case for DCFS. Are you in a position to care for any of the children? Do you have any other relatives that can help? It must break your heart to think that you may not be able to see them again, but that may not necessarily be the case. You also need to think of the children’s health and mental well being before your own desires.

    DCFS may be able to help your sister with counseling and parenting classes so that the children can stay with her or be returned to her if circumstances change.

  • boystownhotline says:
    August 9, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    It sounds like you have valid concerns about your sister and her parenting of your nieces and nephews. If you know that your nieces and nephews or any other child is suffering from abuse or neglect, then it is your duty to report this. If you feel as though your sister and her husband are not providing basic needs or a safe place to live, then they are being neglectful and intervention is needed. It is understandable that you may feel like you are betraying your sister by reporting her to child and family services; however your intentions are in the right place, which is to ensure the safety of these children.

    By reporting this family to child and family services there will be an investigation to see if these claims are founded or unfounded. Many states will try to implement in-home safety services before removal of the children to maintain the family system. If there is an immediate safety concern the children may be removed, and you should let child and family services be aware that you would like to be considered for placement. It’s understandable that you may be worried about finances for that many children, but you may be eligible for financial assistance as well as Title XX which would cover daycare expenses.

    It’s great that you are reaching out for support. If you feel like you need additional support or information on reporting, please call us here at the Boys Town National Hotline, we have counselors available 24/7 to help children and families.

    Good luck and we hope to hear from you!
    Jessie, Counselor
    1-800-448-3000

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